If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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