dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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