the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
