So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
