And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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