Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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