I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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