I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
