Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
