Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I faked an abortion last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
