Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
