My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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