Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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