Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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