I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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