he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
