I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My cat gives me a boner
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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