Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
