The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
