based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
