Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
