Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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