Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
