you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
