I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
