A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were trust falling into bushes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
