Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
operation have a gay friend backfired
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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