guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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