No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
