I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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