did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
