why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
