i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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