I'm lost and stupid without you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
