You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
