did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
