Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
