I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
