Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
