he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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