girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
