I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
