I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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