AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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