I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
