Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
