is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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