absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
