i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
