i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
